Teenagers will be teenagers

 "Teenager will be teenagers"

This phrase, very similarly to 'boys will be boys', always sets my teeth on edge. As a teacher I know what teenagers are like, thank you very much, and I am definitely (and painfully) aware of all the skills that they are still lacking. 

Teenagers are still developing their empathy, their ability to oversee consequences and their decision making skills are not the best. They lack self-reflection and with all those hormones racing through their body their rational thought process is slightly impaired. However, I still feel that while it might be harder for teenagers to do all these things, because their brains just aren't there yet, as adults we still have the responsibility to teach them to develop these skills. To make them aware of the 'lack' and provide them with tools to improve. Furthermore, I also believe that their lack of skills are never a blanket excuse for some of the behaviour they exhibit. Like the addage 'boys will be boys' the phrase 'teenagers will be teenagers' seems to imply a total acceptance of the fact that this is simply how teenagers will behave and we, as adults, just have to bear it and wait for adulthood to come a knocking. 

Nowadays, it seems that setting hard rules or being authorative with teenagers is being discouraged. It's better to have an open dialogue, to find a 'different angle', to be encouraging rather than restrictive. And I do not necessarily disagree with all this. In fact I like to believe that I employ most, if not all, of these tactics on a daily basis. However, teenagers also need structure, boundaries and consequences. And more importantly I believe that when teenagers have done something stupid they should be made aware of this and I do not agree that we, as educators, should be conveying this without any emotion involved. If my students do something unacceptable, I will lecture them and sometimes I will raise my voice. I will tell them that I am dissapointed, and sometimes I am not interested in their side of the story, their reasoning behind their actions. Sometimes I just punish them. Because in the end that is how the world works. 'Cool motive, still murder' is one of my favorite mottos ever. The reasoning behind something does not  negate the effect of the action. And while you might be sorry in the end, you will still have to face the consequences. 

Now, I will be the first to admit that I have a quick temper when it comes to my students. I love them to bits, but I also believe that in my classroom I am the one in charge. Although I will always give my students space to disagree with me, or ask questions there is a time and place for that and when I ask them to do something, I expect it to get done. Are my expectations for my students' behavior too high? I don't know. Let's review my list:  

1)  I want my students to be quiet when somebody else is speaking.

2) I want them to be nice to one another and respect eachother

3) I want them to behave in public settings (i.e. no screaming like banshees whenever we leave the classroom)

4) I don't mind them messing up but I do expect them to own up to their mistake, especially when they have been caught out. 

Are these expectations too high? Or is society's bar nowadays too low? I guess that where I am going with all this is the following question: Am I wrong for being angry with my students whenever they exhibit behaviour that is, frankly, appalling? I have been told time and again to not take it personally, that teenagers' actions are not often not directed at a specific person. But I do take it personally: when my mentor students misbehave and pull unsafe stunts, I am angry and disappointed. Angry because they didn't listen, they aren't learning. Disappointed that despite all my hard work and all my care, they still prioritzed misbehaving over their own safety and the safety of the group. Maybe everybody is right, and I need some distance and perspective. On the other hand, I also believe my own point of view to be valid. Teenagers, like the rest of us, should face the consequences of their actions and behaviour. Sometimes this happens in a way that isn't a pleasant conversation with tea and crumpets, sometimes it means being yelled at a little and facing a punishment. That's part of life and a part of growing up. I am not proposing we go back to a system wherein we are allowed to rap our students on the knuckles with a piece of wood. I am simply suggesting that we return to a system wherein teenagers get held accountable for their actions  and behaviour. A system wherein I can give my students detention without receiving four emails from different parents about how I am treating their precious snowflakes unfairly. A system wherein I can yell at my students when they pull something so irresposible that it endangers their safety and the safety of those around them. A system wherein we say 'Yes, you might be a teenager now, but you won't always be'. In short, a system wherein we teach students to change and grow up, instead of accepting that they 'can't do that yet'.