Sharing is caring

 "No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship" James P. Comer

When reading any literature written on the topic of teaching after 1990 you will find that a good relationship with your students is seen as the succes to teaching. By putting in the effort and building a relationship with your students you ensure that they are more likely to listen and more willing to learn from you. This is why, in teacher training, aspiring teachers are told time and again to invest in their bond with the students. Both teachers and teachers-to-be have endless ways of doing so, ranging from journaling, to informal talks in the hallways, to ensuring that in-class activities focus on the interest of the students. However, one thing is rarely mentioned, and that is the importance of showing your students who you are, not as a teacher, but as a human being. 

I was eleven when I first went to high school and the first teacher I ever encountered, my mentor, who was also a math teacher (we shouldn't hold that against him), told me the most important thing I have ever learned. In one of our very first classes he sat us down and told us that we were all human beings, and that it was his goal to treat us that way. He told us he didn't see us as less nor himself as more just because he was older, or because he was the teacher and we the students. He believed that, since we were all human, he should treat us as exactly that, provided that we do the same. These words have stayed with me until this very day and I doubt that I will ever forget them. They are the words I built my teaching ideology around and therefore they are words I live by every single day. I knew a lot about my teacher because he shared a lot with us. His perpetual bachelorhood, his love for photography, his wry sense of humour and the tv programs he liked to watch. He would sometimes talk about his family or tell us about his own experiences in high school. Some of the information I've forgotten while some trivia lingers, but the point is that he remains, to this very day, the best teacher I've ever had. Not because he was great at explaining math (although that could have been on me, since numbers actively scare me), not because he was the best at keeping order (I think if he would see me teach he would believe me to be a dictator) but because he built a relationship with us on the principle of reciprocation. He showed us that he was a person, just like us, and that we were people, just like him. It made him more approachable, more likeable and made us pay more attention to what he said and did. Angering or upsetting him was something that caused us actual distress. Because it meant a person we liked, who we cared for, was upset with us (way more impactful than pissing of any other random authority figure that demands your respect simply because of an arbitrary detail such as age, diploma or power dynamic). 

Looking around the school where I work now, I see the exact same thing happening: it's the teachers who are unafraid to share information about themselves with their classes, that have the best relationships with their individual students. It's these teachers that go out of their way to show their kids who they are as a person: their likes and dislikes, their background story and even their hopes for the future and in doing so they create a bond that will likely last beyond the physical years spent in school. Ofcourse, there are risks to this. Sometimes teachers take it too far and alter their behaviour in order to be better liked by the students or to be seen as the 'fun' teacher (which is an oxymoron at best and honestly just don't try) or in an effort to reach out they might 'overshare'.  And although I am a huge advocate of sharing there are some things students never need to know, such as your weekend parties, your daily mental breakdowns or your personal opinions on your coworkers, just to name a few. 

So, how do you authentically share your life with your students, without oversharing? For me it really helps that my classroom and personal items reflect my interests and reveal something about me. My classroom contains a myriad of Harry Potter paraphernalia, history memes, and Disney merchandise. My laptop is covered with cool stickers (HP again) and my jewelery and accesoires are often Disney or HP themed as well. This means that when students step into my personal space or encounter me in the hallways there are already things they immediately know about me. Furthermore, I tend to share weird, tiny details about myself that are humorous, memorable and relatable. During one of my first lessons to a new class I will tell them the story of my cat (Lord Beerus God of Destruction.. aptly named by my lovely husband) whose main mission in life is to destroy my furniture and my happiness. Throughout the year I will tell them about my slight (...) chocolate addiction and my LOVE for pizza hawaii (which might immediately lose me sympathy points to be honest). I might share the fact that I was bullied in primary school (when that story is relevant to tell) and how I was a struggling student at best in high school (which is always relevant to share!). I will tell them about my nephews and my sisters or about that one annoying classmate in my masters program who had the audacity to be a loud chewer (absolutely revolting). 

In other words, I show them little parts of myself and then ask little parts of them in return. Students love to share but we often underestimate how very interested they are in us as well. By satisfying (some of) their curiosity we make ourselves more human in their eyes instead of this weird foreign entity that only exists within the walls of the school. All of this to say that if you want to get close to your students, you have to be willing to open yourself up to them and share with them what you ask them to share with you without ever thinking about it. I won't deny that it can be terrifying, we are only human after all, and sharing ourselves with others leaves us vulnerable. But like the old addage says 'the greater the risk, the greater the reward'. And a solid relationship with your students built on reciprocity, trust and honesty? That's the best reward of all.